A Good Dream?
by aalens
Summary: Harry is dreaming and, thank the gods, it's not one of his usual nightmares. Yes it is a good dream, or at least it is so far. That's if it really is a dream of course. No pairings. Warnings: AU. cracky. Intellectually mediocre, but magically overpowered Harry. (But then, in your own dream, what's to stop you being ridiculously powerful?)
1. Chapter 1

A GOOD DREAM?

For once I was having a good dream _. It makes a change from the nightmares that are my usual lot,_ I thought. Even though I'd finally completely disposed of Voldemort and all his horcruxes just over two years ago, I still had nightmares about him and his Death Eaters pretty much every night and in my dreams they were still all alive and kicking. This dream, thank the gods, was pleasant, not a nightmare at all, and also different from the nightmares because I was aware that I was dreaming. _I hope no-one wakes me up, but I bet Voldie or his Death Eaters will arrive soon, and this will degenerate into the usual scream-making mess of a nightmare; I'd better enjoy it while I can_.

In my dream I was lying on the grass with my back leaning against the trunk of a friendly oak tree, and basking in the sheer balminess of a warm and flower scented Spring day. The surrounding wood was obviously not the Forbidden Forest; it felt welcoming, and was abounding in mundane, completely non-magical, spring flowers, mainly primroses and bluebells. _This early in Spring, that means I'm probably somewhere in southern England._

It was a good dream, one of the best, mainly because absolutely nothing 'exciting' was happening. The only slightly unsettling thing about it was my fearful apprehension that something 'exciting' would probably start to happen very soon.

Dreams are like that sometimes I find; they lull you into a false sense of security, and then some previously innocent part of the dream blindsides you by morphing into a monster that would terrify Merlin himself—and there goes your good dream, just another rotten nightmare, yet again.

I glared suspiciously at the trees and wild flowers; if they thought they were going to take me unaware then they had another think coming. There was one flower in particular that my gaze settled on, a pure white thing, an anemone I thought it was called, which was just the sort of virginally angelic pure flower that would be a perfect cover for something heart-stoppingly frightful. It seemed to be minding its own business but I was not about to be taken in. I stared at it steadily, wand in hand, ready for when it made its traitorous move against me…

It was at that very moment that something did happen. It was not the anemone though, apparently its role had merely been to distract me from noticing the people whom I could now just make out in the distance. They were almost hidden by bushes and low branches, but something, the noise of twigs breaking perhaps, had alerted me to their presence. There seemed to be about a dozen of them but there didn't seem to be any white masks, which made me relax slightly.

They seemed to be looking for someone. I could hear them calling out although I couldn't make out what they were saying, and they were peering under bushes and looking up into the trees. I couldn't recognise anyone at that distance, so after standing up with my back to the trunk for a few moments I decided on discretion, climbed up my new best friend the oak, and wedged myself into a large fork about twenty feet up and well hidden by leaves.

The party of searchers were partially hidden by the foliage that sheltered me. I could both hear and see that they were closing in, but I couldn't see their faces clearly. Their clothes I could see; they were quite odd as they were neither Muggle clothes nor your ordinary Wizarding robes either; they looked as if someone had decided that crossing harlequin costumes with wizards' robes would be a good idea, and I was not at all sure that I agreed. The way they were dressed reminded me of something, I wasn't sure what, perhaps an illustration I'd once seen in a book somewhere.

As they got nearer I started to hear what it was they were calling out: it was "Master" and "Sire", interspersed with a few of "My Lord".

That 'Master' sounded as if they might be calling Voldemort. Not good that. People calling for Voldemort were probably Death Eaters despite the strange garb they wore and the lack of Death Eater masks. That they were just calling and not using a Point Me spell was another oddity. The calls were not loud, quite soft and quiet in fact, it was as if they did not really want whomever they were calling to hear them. If it was Voldie they were looking for then I quite understood their reluctance to actually find him.

At least it wasn't me they were after. If I stayed quiet they would probably miss me altogether and wander on by, or so I dared to hope. I scrunched down gratefully into my fork and awaited developments.

Unfortunately, instead of wandering off in some other direction as I'd been hoping and praying they would, they gradually all came together, right beneath my oak.

They were only a few feet away from me, but the angle was wrong for me to see their faces and all I got was a good view of the tops of their heads. There was one that looked as if it might be Snape's head, but the others were either hidden under hats or were not recognisable... Snape, hmm, well if he was with a party from the Order that was fine, but if he was with his old DE cohorts— which was very likely since this dream was due to develop into a nightmare right about now—that was not good, nightmarishly bad in fact.

They were discussing the progress of their search. I could hear snatches of conversation;

"He does not usually come this far," "He won't want to be disturbed but what alternative do we have?…" and, more mysteriously, "He is light-phase now isn't he? You did say he was green didn't you?"

"Of course he's green you blithering cretin; he went light only two days ago, it may be months, perhaps years, before he turns again." Snape's voice, there was no mistaking it.

"Well you say that, but you're his favourite, he likes you whichever he is".

Light? Green? What the heck did that mean? Perhaps it wasn't Moldieshorts they were looking for after all. I vaguely remembered some myth about a Green Man, the Green Man of the Woods, not that calling for the Green Man made any sense either, unless this was a gathering of his worshippers or something.

I was concentrating so hard on trying to make out what they were saying that I leaned too hard on one of the smaller branches, and it snapped, loudly. Damn.

Instantly they stopped talking and, as one, looked up. I drew back my head but it was too late, they'd seen me. What happened next was unexpected: All of them, except the one who, as I could now see and hear, definitely was Snape, looked appalled, and backed off rapidly for a couple of yards then knelt, heads virtually to the ground.

Snape too became rather pale, but he only took a couple of backward steps before bowing from the waist. "Master, pray forgive our foolish words; we were anxious and worried. You have been gone for hours. Will you not come back with us now My Lord?"

He certainly sounded worried, and despite having the same velvet over gravel voice, not at all like the Snape I knew when awake, the real Snape would never display emotion so openly.

Well okay then, this might not be so bad after all; apparently whoever they thought I was, I was not in any danger. Probably I was Voldemort, just as I had been in so many of my previous 'The-Boy-Who-Lived-to-Destroy-the-Dark-Lord' nightmares. However this dream was rather different as I still felt like myself inside and I still looked like myself.

Of course, I know _now_ that Snape was on our side and had been all along; had helped me often, even saved my life a few times, and he has to be admired for his unequalled courage in spying right bang in the middle of the evil serpent's lair and all that, but that did not stop him still being both hate-full and hate-able. What was to stop me having a little fun at his expense? Besides, I could not really harm him in a dream.

I grinned at him, and was delighted to see that somehow he managed to become even more pale than the Vampire-white which was normally his preferred choice of complexion colour. "Why are you wearing 'a coat of many colours' Snape? Black is your colour, please remember that in future or I shall be displeased." I gestured at his robes, which immediately turned black.

Wow! Hmm, that was unexpected. Was that me? With neither a wand nor a word too. Excellent. I'd never been much cop at wandless magic, not even in my dreams, so this was a welcome development and could be entertaining. I looked at the others; if I was playing Voldie then they were Death Eaters to a man I supposed; that they were all kowtowing to me in a satisfyingly obsequious way seemed to bear out this theory. (I had only learned the meaning of the word 'obsequious' yesterday, as it had been yesterday's 'word of the day'. It was nice to have an opportunity to use it so soon, even I if was only to myself, and only in a dream.)

"You all look as if you are dressed for a masquerade, you look ridiculous! 'We are not amused,'" Not that these pure-bloods were likely to have heard of Queen Vicky, let alone recognise what she was supposed to have said.

"The royal 'we' is a nice touch. Don't you agree Severus?"

As I frowned at them, all their robes changed to a pale dull fawn. "Ah, that's much better."

I was not completely certain if the colour changes were my doing or not, so to test it out I stared at their hats and thought 'black'. All the hats immediately became black.

Then, deliberately not staring at the oak tree, I thought 'red autumn leaves', and all the foliage turned blood red.

Ah. Good. This was going to be a dream where compared to me even Merlin would look like a squib. I'd not even needed a few Latin words to pretty it up with. For a Ridiculously-Powerful-Mage, wandless and wordless magic is so much more 'the thing.'

"Most apposite, My Liege."

What? Oh yes. I'd forgotten that I'd asked Snape a question. "That was a rhetorical question Snape. Your agreement is assumed."

"I humbly beg your pardon Sire."

I was amused to see that he was dying to point out that it had not been phased exactly as a rhetorical question, but did not dare to do so. He was biting his lips.

The sudden way I'd been upgraded from 'Master' and 'Lord' to 'Liege' and 'Sire' had me puzzled; had Voldieshorts declared himself king or was I playing the role of someone else entirely?

"Remind me Severus, when was I crowned?"

His gaze, which had never left my face since they had first discovered me in the oak tree, had faltered, and he looked slightly disconcerted for a moment. "It was at the start of your previous red-phase Master, that is, five years ago come May Day."

I was about to ask why, if I was the king, he addressed me as 'lord' as well as the regal 'liege' and 'sire'. I was not sure how the king-thing worked, but didn't you have to be addressed as either one or the other? but the 'red-phase' distracted me—and I was going to ask about that instead, but then thought that judging by their talk when they had not realised that I could hear them, it was something they all knew, and they would think I knew it too. They might think I'd gone completely around the bend if I asked about it. Though come to think of it, the real What's-His-Name-Again? had always shown enough evidence of insanity to get any less powerful wizard committed to Bedlam, yet even that had not lessened the number of his adulating minions. Perhaps insanity was expected of Dark Lords, or was even one of the essential qualifications for the job.

I let go of my rambling thoughts, and soundlessly Apparated to the ground.

"Let's go. Lead the way Snape. I'm feeling peckish," I said.

"Are we to walk or Apparate Master? It is well over seven leagues."

Um... As I had no idea where we were going, Apparation was impossible for me, but 'seven or more leagues', err, how long were leagues again? Quite a bit longer than miles I seemed to remember. A bit too far to walk anyway. What to do? Ah yes.

"I want to test your side-along Apparation Snape." To his obvious discomfort, I grabbed his arm. "Take me there," I ordered.

'There' turned out to be in front of a blindingly white mansion-come-palace-edifice-thing. Not like any Wizarding building I'd ever seen before. The architect might have visited the Parthenon a few times too often, or perhaps not often enough and that had resulted in this Parthenon-somehow-gone-wrong. It was easy to recognise the school of architecture; it was Early Pretentious.

The result was not welcoming and in fact looked as far from homey as it is possible to get while still remaining on mother Earth. I walked in, Snape following me. Inside the building it would have been difficult to go straight more than a yard or two in any direction without either running head first into a column or stubbing your toe on a statue. The statues looked perfectly at home. No-one else did.

"Severus, take me to my suite. You lead the way. I need to eat before I re-design this place. Just you Snape, the rest of you, leave us."

My minions, who had Apparated in immediately behind us, turned aside obediently, and started to leave by a side-door. "Mm, I do like that dull shit-brown, it makes them look like friars."

"At once Sire. And shall I issue the new sumptuary laws immediately?"

 _Er, What was he talking about? Oh yes, I'd asked him to lead me to my rooms._ "Tomorrow will be soon enough for the new laws," I said.

Meanwhile I needed to find myself a dictionary. My recent learn-a-new-word-a-day resolution had not covered that one yet. It was bloody unfair that in my own bloody dream someone could use a word I did not understand! Maybe I should issue a law against it. Then I had a brilliant inspiration of how to find out exactly what 'sumptuary laws' were without either asking Snape or having to find or ask for a dictionary.

"We should not issue new laws without some discussion of them first," I said "and how they are to be worded and all that. So, what is your understanding of it?"

"How gracious of you my Liege. If I remember correctly, I'm to wear black, and all males of courtier status are to wear brown with black hats.

Are all slaves to wear black too Sire and are there to be changes for other ranks and females? Also no doubt all Hybros would benefit from your vision and then there are the house-elves and Hybrex..."

I tuned out the rest of whatever it was he was gabbling on about. Of course! It should have been obvious to me; sumptuary laws must be about what people had to wear. How strange to have laws about it. Then, on reflection, I realised that I missed the colourful medieval-festival flavour of the robes they had been wearing in the forest when I'd first seen them. I had really only changed them because I could.

"I have changed my mind. I don't like the friar-look-alike idea after all. You are to wear black, it is definitely the only colour for you, but all the rest of my minions are to be clothed as they were before."

"As you will it Master."

The 'Master' made me think to something else he had said before; something about 'the other slaves'.

"Er, Snape, are you a slave?"

He dropped to his knees and put his head to the ground. "It is my great honour to be thy property Master. I am vastly ashamed that thou art forced to remind me of it. I should be punished."

"Oh for goodness sake stand up! It seems to me that slave or not, you are less in awe of me than the rest of those idiots are. Are they slaves too?"

Snape stood up and even allowed himself the suspicion of a smile; it was no more than a half-millimetre and split-second twitch of one side of his upper lip.

"No Master, as you know, they are not, they have no Hybro blood, or if they have then they have managed to hide it – but all must obey thy every word and call you 'Master' so the distinction between us is less than one might imagine."

"It appears that they obey you too Snape," I grinned, Master-of-All-I-Surveyed-Me. I smiled in a superior fashion.

"Indeed Master. As indeed they should, as through me they hear you. Were I not the grateful recipient of thy favour they would not take my orders or even my advice; on the contrary they would probably entertain themselves by hexing me as often and imaginatively as they could."

"What's with all the 'thees' and 'thous' all of a sudden?" I asked, and then went on before he could reply, "you know Snape, this dream is really cool: Instead of no-one taking much notice of anything I say, which seems to be the rule when I'm awake… which when you think about it, is jolly unfair, after all I _am_ the Boy-Who … well, never mind that for now. Well, so far, everyone here in Dreamland is so eager and obedient—plus having you as my favourite, my favourite slave, that's priceless!"

"Don't look at me as if I've lost my marbles. The real Snape can hide what he thinks far more successfully than you can. You should definitely work on that. Come to think of it; I'd have thought you'd be just as expert at it as my Snape is as you both must have had years of practice at hiding your real thoughts from your masters."

I paused and then, thinking of the all-too-real Severus Snape, I went on; "In future whenever you sneer at me and make some clever and cutting remark at my expense, I shall remember this dream and how humble and obedient you were."

I shook my head. "Enough of this, I'm hungry. Order me my dinner. I do hope I'll be able to taste it. That's where dreams often fail, don't you agree?"

Snape looked confused and slightly worried, but waved his wand as if to summon a house-elf

What materialised a second later was no house-elf—she was obviously female—and appeared to be some sort of cross between a High Elf and a human.

Snape ordered "A selection of our Lord's favourite food at once."

The elf or whatever it was, bowed, and popped out, just like any everyday run-of-the-mill house-elf.

"Snape, humour me, pretend that I'm a visitor here who has just arrived from some foreign land, and everything is new and needs to be explained. It will be good practice for you if we have any foreign visitors. For example, what was that being? Is she a house-elf?"

"An excellent notion My Lord, as are all your ideas..."

"If you are going to flatter me you need to work on your sincerity. That attempt was pathetic. You are failing in your Snape-ishness again."

Then I felt a bit mean. Snape behaving so out of character was not his fault; it was my dream after all, and so all he could say were words that I put into his mouth. Not only that, but as I was his master he would not act Snape-ishly to me, just as the real Snape had not acted that way to the real Voldemort.

Then I noticed that he had dropped to the floor again."Stand up Professor. I do hope you have permanent cushioning charms on your knees. I don't want my favourite servant crippled."

He stood up, but I saw that I was worrying him again, so to forestall what promised to be another abject apology, I hurried to add; "That elf-person Snape, what sort of house-elf is she? That's if she is a house-elf at all? She looks nothing like one."

"She is a hybrid Master. They are called Hybrex, which are one of the results of the bi-purpose breeding project of one of thy great previous incarnations."

 _My previous incarnations?_ I was momentarily distracted from house-elf hybrids, but then put the reincarnation question aside for later.

"Okay, tell me more; what was hybridised and what was the purpose of doing it? Where Veelas and High Elves part of the experiment?"

"Not officially Master. You are no doubt correct in suspecting some Veela and High Elf genes were used, otherwise it is difficult to account for their beauty, but officially it was merely house-elves and human slaves.

The aim was to produce a being with all the powers and emotions of normal house-elves: the same need to be bound to a master, the same tireless and joyful work ethic, the same pleasure in service and submission, while at the same time to look attractive to their masters. Most are female but some are male, or, more often, genetically de-sexed males, and there also a few hermaphrodites."

Then he added, "Hermaphrodites have both male and female sexual organs." For a split second he looked appalled, and then rushed to add, "as you are of course aware Master."

He was not quite quick enough though. "I know what a hermaphrodite is Severus!... Oh, stand up again…that's better. You said 'bi-purpose', what was the other aim?" I added quickly, before he had a chance to slide to the floor again.

"The other aim was creation of beings such as I Master, that is, Hybros. We are mostly human slave, but with a few house-elf genes to enhance submission and tireless energy. It was not considered necessary to make us attractive as our purpose is to be in administration, clerks, secretaries, office managers for example, or household functionaries such as butlers."

"It must make you angry that you were deliberately bred to be a slave!" I said, feeling indignant on his behalf, even though he was Snape.

"No Master, not at all. In fact it was a great kindness. My human ancestors were slaves anyway, but we Hybros, thanks to our house-elf genes, are content to be so. Without them we would still be slaves, but always wishing to be free."

He had a very peculiar idea of kindness. It would have been better to free his ancestors. "Are there still ordinary house-elves ?"

"Yes Master; indeed most house-elves are of the traditional breed. Hybrex and Hybros are often too expensive for your ordinary subjects to afford in great numbers."

At that moment the food arrived. It was carried in by two of the hybrids, the Hybrex, they were both more beautiful than seemed completely real. They looked more like the exaggerated pictures of women from a Muggle comic; huge long-lashed eyes, large breasts, tiny waists and long legs. Ordinary human females would just love them. Not.

After conjuring a chair and table, and depositing their trays on the table, they bowed and popped out again — and after shaking my head slightly I was able to concentrate on the food which looked as if it was prepared by a master-chef.

It looked delicious. I was a bit anxious that this would be the moment when I'd wake up, wake up before I'd had a chance to taste it, so I sat down at once and started to eat; all was well, I continued to dream and it tasted as delicious and was as succulent as it looked.

Snape stood behind my chair ready to attend to me, but I conjured another chair and gestured that he should sit at the table with me. "Help me eat some of this. There's enough to feed a dozen wizards or even a couple of Rons."

He looked wary, and seated himself on the chair gingerly, as if he thought it might collapse beneath him. Somehow he managed to look delighted at the 'honour' of sitting down with me to eat while at the same time nervous that I might change my mind at any moment and punish him for his presumption at sitting at the table with me. He made no move to take any of the food.

"Here," I said, conjuring a plate and cutlery for him. "Tuck in, I don't know what most of this is; it has all been prettied up so much by the cook that it's disguised, but it tastes divine. That there is definitely some sort of fish I think, and that's chicken, but it tastes a bit different, maybe its goose or something."

Snape took one of the chicken-things onto his plate, carefully cut off a small piece with his knife and uncertainly put it in his mouth.

"So? What do you reckon it is? Chicken do you think?" I asked.

"I do not know Master. It is delicious." "Not like Hybro food" he added so softly I could hardly hear him.

I gulped the mouthful I had. "The food they give you is not nice?"

"Oh yes Master. It is designed to maintain our optimum health."

"But not particularly tasty?"

I had put him on the spot and he was desperately trying to think of a reply that did not sound ungrateful while still being true. I cut him off; "You need say no more," I said.

I was angry. Dreaming or not, giving 'the help' second class food smacked too much of my time at the Dursleys. "Who does the meal planning and cooking?"

"The Hybrex and house-elves Master".

"Whoever is in charge of the kitchens come here!" I said loudly. Almost immediately a reassuringly normal ordinary house-elf was bowing before me.

"How can Alonzo help Master Sir?"

"Are you the person who plans the menus for the staff?"

"Yes Master," he said in a squeaky voice, while wringing his hands anxiously.

"I am not angry. This food is wonderful. Your cooking is excellent." He smiled widely and looked reassured.

"However, although the food served to the Hybros is no doubt good for them, it may not be as tasty as I'd like it to be. There is to be no 'special' house-elf, Hybrex or Hybro food from now on, well, not much of it, anyone who wants to continue eating it can, but they must also have a selection of this type of food available. It need not be quite so pretty perhaps, but it should be as tasty and varied." I gestured at the food on the table, "and they must be encouraged to eat it. Tell everyone that I want them to at least try it."

I thought further and turned to Snape. "Do you think it should be introduced slowly? That it might upset their stomachs if they switched too suddenly?" At his slight nod and murmured "Yes Master," I turned again to the elf.

"Okay Alonzo; we must try to introduce it slowly. Maybe to begin with give everyone their normal food, and just put dishes of the new stuff on the table too, and tell them that they are to have only small portions of it at first. You'll need more elves to cook I suppose, so tell whoever is in charge of the purse strings to buy as many as you need, and bring them to me for bonding. Preferably ordinary traditional house-elves such as yourself," I added.

Alonzo was so happy he was crying. "The Great Lord! So kind to elvses! Alonzo do it now Master!"

He popped away and I looked at Snape. "You all right there? You look a bit funny. I do have the money to buy more elves if we need them don't I?"

"Yes Master." He then continued, uncertainly, "especially as of course you would be buying them from yourself, as yours is the only elf breeding stud farm."

I nearly choked on a piece of the chicken but managed to swallow it down. No! I had an elf stud farm. Oh My God! I had better not tell Hermione about this dream; I was even shocked myself. I muttered something unintelligible, and took more of the chicken or whatever it was.

As we were eating it had started to get dark. I felt surprise at how long the dream was lasting, but then remembered having had previous dreams that had seemed long but when I'd woken up I'd found that I'd only been asleep for a few minutes.

I got to my feet. "I'm going to bed now Snape. Walk me to my bedroom."

He was standing slightly behind me and that would not do as I had no idea where my bedroom was. "Walk in front of me, there is something about the way your cloak swirls and billows that I wish to examine."

I felt reluctant to reveal that I did not know my way around. I was not sure why I felt so reluctant, except that on the thousand to one chance that this was not a dream, I'd need to tread carefully until I found out a lot more about how this world operated. It seemed I was as feared as Voldemort had been and might actually be Voldemort, or at least was some sort of dark lord, but that would not mean I was automatically safe, perhaps quite the contrary.

Snape obediently walked ahead of me through a labyrinth of twisted passages lit by wall brackets containing torches that lit as we passed, and whose complexity would give the passages at Hogwarts a run for their money. At last the passageway widened out to about thirty feet across. Ahead of us on the far wall was an eleven or twelve foot high carved wooden door which he opened, and then stood aside for me to precede him. My bedroom I presumed.

Sunglasses would have been useful. It was decorated in Extreme Seraglio, and was as over-the-top as the rest of the mansion. Apparently Voldie's taste, er, my taste, while dreadful, was at least consistent.

"Where are the houris?"

"The Hybrex Master?" He held his wand ready to wave. "What do you require this evening Master? Females, males, or perhaps one of the hermaphrodites, or a selection?"

"No, stop! I don't want any of them thanks. I was just joking. I'm too young anyway." Not too young I thought, just too inexperienced. I'd probably just make a fool of myself… though, in a dream did that really matter?... Perhaps just one would be okay ...

Then I noticed that Snape was laughing, apparently he thought I'd tried to make a joke. His laughter sounded dutiful ...and totally unconvincing. "Ah Master, that is a good one! 'Too young'! You who are so ancient, so much older than us all!"

His eyes disagreed with his words; they were saying 'so you found a large phial of idiocy potion and guzzled the lot did you? You blithering nincompoop.'

Not being able to think of a come-back, I ignored the commentary from his eyes, looked down at myself, and then into a mirror hanging on the wall. Um, I did look a couple of years older than I usually did, perhaps more, maybe late twenties, and was there something a bit odd about my eyes? I leaned closer to the mirror. No, no hint of red at all, they were as reassuringly green as ever.

Snape's 'older than us all' was a bit much. His risking offending me by telling me I was old, was rather a surprise too. "You think I look old Snape?"

He hastily suppressed an expression of alarm, but not before I'd noticed it. Not everyone would have noticed, but watching my beloved Uncle Vernon's face for any slight indication of his mood, had given me a thorough grounding in the skill of reading faces, and years at Hogwarts watching the greasy git had only honed my talent. I let him sweat a little. His knees gave way again but this time I did not tell him to stand up.

"No Master. Absolutely not. You misunderstood me I think, you look as young as ever. I was merely referring to your years and incarnate nature."

"So, I lack the brains to understand what you said?"

He pressed himself even closer to the floor and all I could hear were muffled apologies.

Yes, I was being mean, very mean; I don't know what came over me really, perhaps the years of being the butt of the real Snape's sarcasm about my lack of both intelligence and common-sense, and my foolhardiness and arrogance, had built up a store of resentment. I must say, it was satisfying to make the dream Snape pay for it. In real life I had no hope of coming out on top in any conversation with Snape.

But then I felt guilty. I've always hated bullies and here I was bullying this Snape almost as badly as my arrogant bully of a father and Sirius had bullied the real one. This me, this Voldie or kingy, or whoever he/I was, might be as much of a right bastard as the Voldemort I'd known in reality.

"Cripes Snape, I'm not angry at you. Stand up again please, and do stop dropping to your knees every couple of minutes; it's giving me whiplash watching you bobbing up and down." Merlin, how pathetic that sounded, a very second-rate sort of Dark Lord I was making.

"Get going now and get some sleep yourself. That's an order as I think you need it. I'm going to bed."

With more murmured apologies and thanks Snape sidled out through the door. I heard a soft thud from the other side of the door and wondering what had happened, opened it. He was lying on a pallet across the doorway.

"I appreciate your getting into the spirit of the traditional faithful-servant-sleeping-across-the-doorway thing Severus, but that pallet is not long enough for you." I concentrated on turning it into a four-poster bed long enough to fit his six-foot-something frame. The short grey nightshirt he wore did not hide his knees and calves. Hybros may not have been bred for looks but at least his legs weren't half bad, no, not bad at all. I, with my knobbly knees, was rather envious.

"Er, what bedding do you want? Feather bed, woollen blankets and an eiderdown?" I gestured at the fireplace on the left wall of the huge ante-room, causing the fire to flare up, and then cast a warming charm around the bed.

"There. That should keep you warm enough. Close your mouth, you look ridiculous gaping like that, and not at all Snape-ish."

"Thank you Master. You are too kind."

"Yeah, that's me; the last of the Kind Dark Lords, well, the Intermittently Kind Dark Lords anyway."

I stepped back into the bedroom, shut the door, and was about to cast protective wards, when I realised that he would be outside of them. I opened the door again.

"Get up for a min... oh, you're not in bed yet. Good." I shrunk the bed down, levitated it into my bedroom, then expanded it.

Snape was still standing outside the door. "Summon a couple of guards for the door," I ordered. It was slack that there were not half a dozen guards there already. All they had to protect their Whatever-The-Heck-I-Was was just Snape?

Snape waved his wand and two large males walked into the ante-room and took up positions each side of the bedroom door. Normal human wizards or Hybros? There was no way I could tell by looking at them. They both wore the slashed and colourful medieval looking robes that I'd seen previously.

"And you Snape, get in here. You're sleeping in here now. I'd rather you were in here with me on this side of the wards if we're attacked.

"Who might attack us Master? No enemy has been able to breach the palace wards since the 1856 upgrade."

I'd not noticed any particularly strong wards around the place, but then perhaps my mage-sight did not work here. "Err, well, it's best to err on the safe side. As to who might, there are still some Death Eaters around... I mean the Order of course, or Aurors."

"What order is that Master and do you suspect some traitors in your Auror corps?"

What? ' _My_ Auror corps?'

"The Order of the… oh never mind, forget it. I've just realised something I should have realised ages ago. I've read enough Muggle Fantasy fiction to recognise an Alternative Universe when I'm dumped right in the middle of one, even if it is only a dream AU." From the look on Snape's face he thought I'lost a few mor marbles, he obviously hadn't understood much of that.

"Forgive me Great One but are you feeling unwell again?"

"Just overtired, so I'm getting a bit confused. Take that 'I'm concerned that you've gone bonkers again,' look off your face and go to bed," I said as I got in my bed, or rather, climbed, clambered and scrambled up onto it. It was expansive enough to entertain a whole chorus line of Hybrex—which made some sense I suppose—but why it had to be high as well as wide was a puzzle. It did not seem to have been custom-designed for a Short Dark Lord. At least after dragging yourself up and into the thing you'd be tired enough to sleep soundly. After getting in with some difficulty I snuggled down. I could not remember ever going to bed in a dream before, and was beginning to wonder about the 'I'm having a dream' theroy.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch 2. Harry is still confused-and it must be admitted, perhaps not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Either I went to sleep almost at once and then woke up again hours later, or the dream immediately switched to the next morning. Opening bleary eyes I looked around the room, and then just laid there for a while, thinking. Was I still dreaming or had I really somehow been transported into an alternative universe? A universe where Voldie-jerk was either some sort of immortal or serial incarnation of himself and I was him, or at least had got into his head.

That there was a person here who not only looked exactly like Snape but was also called Snape would argue pretty strongly for the dream theory. The coincidence of a 'Hybro' existing who looked exactly like, and was called exactly the same name as the real wizard Snape was a bit too much to swallow...

Hold on, I had not asked Snape his name, I'd just assumed it was Snape and called him by it. Probably I could have called him Fido or Greasy Git or anything at all, and he would have responded just the same. Still, that did not explain his looks.

While, on the previous evening, I'd started to wonder if I was dreaming or not, this morning it felt even more unlike a dream. I did the traditional check-if-I'm-dreaming-or-awake thing and pinched my arm, hard. Sheesh! That hurt. What a dumb idea that had been…and it did not prove a thing; I could be dreaming that it hurt.

"Severus!" I yelled.

"Yes My Lord?" The voice was right in my ear: he was kneeling beside the bed.

"Bloody Hell Snape! How long have you been there? Never mind, full marks for excellent servitude, er, service, though a bit of privacy would have been nice. Have someone, one of those Hybrex would be good, run my bath."

"It is ready for you Sire."

"Oh. Well full marks again, but I'd been hoping to see…" Ah well, Hermione would be disgusted with me anyway.

"Turn your back for a moment." I descended from the giddy heights of the bed, my nightshirt rucking up around my chest. I pulled it down to cover my bits.

Snape held up a silk dressing gown. "Do you wish to don your dressing gown Master?"

"Er, yes, thanks." After a short muddle as I tried to grab the dressing gown and Snape tried to put me into it, I got it on, and went over to an open doorway that looked as if it might lead to an en-suite bathroom. It did.

Unsurprisingly, it did not skimp on gold fittings and the bath would be handy if I ever needed to practice for a cross-Channel swim.

My attention was not totally on the room however. There were three scantily dressed Hybrex, one of each sex, standing by the bath and waiting to assist me to bathe.

One particular part of me was delighted, but the other parts were heading for cover. The idea of getting naked in front of them was intimidating as all three were more beautiful than any Veela I'd ever seen, and therefore miles out of my league in the looks department.

However, they were gazing at the floor, not daring to look at me, so perhaps I could get through this without them ever seeing much of me at all.

I tried to convince myself that they were just glamoured-up house-elves, sort-of house-elves on Polyjuice, but with little success. (Okay, yes I know, not much fearless Gryffindor in evidence, but despite all tales to the contrary, unless that wet kiss with Cho and exchanging a few amorous glances with Daphne Greengrass counted, I'd had no experience with women, let alone with multi-sexes of Hybrex.)

I was just about to wimp out completely and dismiss them from the room, when I had an idea: Dumb, lacking in the looks department perhaps, but Incredibly-Powerful-Wandless-Magic-Adept-Dark-Lord-Mage-Me, I could fix myself! I concentrated on a picture of a male model's body I'd once seen in a Muggle magazine that I'd filched from Dudley. My head I left much as it was, but the rest of me obediently morphed into an eight inch taller well-muscled man with legs to rival Snape's.

Ah, this was much better. While still not holding a candle to the Hybrex in looks, at least my body was stronger looking, and I was now as tall as they were, perhaps even slightly taller. My equipment stayed the same though. I was too fond of it to risk changing it. I was pleased to see that it looked more in proportion on a larger body. Smirk.

With greatly renewed self-assurance, and more than a touch of the drama queen, I flung off the silk dressing gown that I'd been desperately clutching around myself a few moments before, peeled off the nightshirt and stepped towards the bath. The gown and nightshirt were caught by the male Hybrex while the female took my hand with a "Pray allow me, Great One," and led me down the steps into the bath.

The hermaphrodite stood back looking diffident, as though not certain of his reception. I smiled at him-her reassuringly and he-she visibly relaxed and stepped forward, holding potions and flannels.

However the funny thing was that their Veela-like allure which had affected me so much the day before, seemed to have nearly vanished. Perhaps they were just too perfect to seem real, or perhaps it was that now I really did see them as house-elves under some sort of glamour. Apparently it was not going to be that sort of dream after all. Damn it.

They were expert bath-attendants though, and soon I was thoroughly scrubbed from head to toe, and then scented rather more than I liked. The female dried me with a thick towel and a quick charm, and the hermaphrodite and the male both helped me back into my dressing gown.

Severus bowed as I walked back into the bedroom but I was pleased to see that it was one of his from the waist bows and not one of the abject-kowtow-flat-on-the-floor jobs.

"What is your name?" I asked.

His eyes flickered. "Severus Snape, Master."

"How long has that been your name?"

He started to look concerned again. Senile Dark Lords were obviously more dangerous than merely Normally Barmy Dark Lords.

"That has been my name since I was a baby Master."

"Ah. Good then."

I saw that he or one of the elves had laid out some robes on the bed, but no underpants were in evidence, so I picked up the robes, and looked around for underwear; there wasn't any. Socks yes, and boots on the floor, but no underpants. Apparently The Dark Lord Vol-u-vent went commando like a proper pure-blood despite his being a half-blood.

I pulled off the dressing gown and started to don the robe but then happened to glance at Severus. He looked shocked. "My apologies Master! I will call a Hybrex at once" he said.

"What? No, I can dress myself; it's not an exact science."

Exact science or not, Snape seemed to think it beyond me; looking a little confused he rushed to help, first fastening the robe for me and then easing me down to sit on to the bed while he put on my socks and boots.

Dressed, and feeling pleasantly airy around the nether regions, I stood up and paced for a minute or two. Snape stood back and waited patiently. It was not his place to hurry me.

At length I sat down in an armchair. Snape remained standing since I had not told him to sit.

"I need to question a few people and need to be perfectly sure that they tell me the truth. Bring me a phial of your best Veritaserum."

"At once Master. Accio Veritaserum." A small bottle sailed into the room and into his hand.

"Whom shall I summon Sire?"

"No, no one yet. Tell me about the dosage. I may wish to administer it myself."

"The dosage depends on the size of the person to whom it is to be administered," he replied. "For adults of average size three drops on the tongue is sufficient, for a child one or two drops according to their size, an abnormally large adult, the size of Hagrid for example, would need four to five drops."

So there was a Hagrid here too! Great! Well, I'd think more about that later. At the best of times, mine is not the sort of brain that can work out more than one thing at once. Even one thing at a time is often one thing too many for the poor thing to puzzle out.

"So, a normal size male, not heavyset but taller than usual, say about six-foot-something, would only need three drops?"

"That is correct Master."

"But what about the Hybrex and Hybros, are the dosages the same for them, and does it work on them?"

"It does work on us. Perhaps the dose should be slightly less for Hybrex as they are so slight and fine boned, but basically the same doses. With Veritaserum exact dosages are not really important because overdosing is only dangerous if it is extreme, and under-dosing is obvious immediately since the eyes remain clear.

However for those who are your property, Veritaserum is not needed, if you order us to tell the truth we will be compelled to do so by our bonds."

"Er, so that means that hybrids are not compelled to tell their masters the truth unless they actually get a direct order to do so? Wouldn't the bond spell object to them lying to their owners anyway, ordered to tell the truth or not?"

"Yes indeed Sire. Almost always, but not if a lie would protect their masters. If they were unable to lie at all then some masters would have their feelings hurt. The first hybrids were under bonds that forced truth at all times, with the result that many of them met untimely ends after speaking truths that their masters did not wish to hear. Constantly having to buy more hybrids became expensive for some owners and after a while many of the customers insisted that the slavery spell be modified. The modified spell soon became the norm, although I believe that the original spell can still be used if that is the buyer's preference."

"So, I take it that yours is the modified version - and that is what allows you to flatter me then?"

"Master, forgive me I pray you, for not agreeing with you, but I never flatter you. I tell the truth always. It is your natural modesty which causes you to doubt my veracity, my sincerity."

I had to smile at that, and noticed that even Snape had allowed himself the merest ghost of a twitch of the lips.

Well, that was all very well, but if, as I had started to suspect, this was some new reality, and not a dream at all, then to be reasonably safe here I needed to find out all about the place as soon as possible, and find it out from someone I could trust. My gut instinct was to trust Snape, but this Snape was not my Snape, this one might hate me even more than the real one did. I could hardly blame him if he did; Voldemort was not a loveable little chappie.

I conjured a straight-backed wooden chair and gestured for Snape to sit on it. "Sit there. Actually there is only one person I want to interrogate, and that's you."

As he lowered himself into the chair I unstoppered the phial, and sucked a few drops of the liquid up into the eye-dropper cap.

"If you need truth from me Master all you need to do is to order me to tell it."

"Not necessarily; when you told me that you would have to tell the truth if ordered to do so, that may have been a lie. I need to be certain that what you tell me is the unvarnished truth. Hold out your tongue."

He nodded and then stuck out his tongue. To be certain, I gave him four drops, and after a few moments his eyes took on the glazed look I associated with the truth serum.

Of course, if he had lied when he told me that it worked on Hybros, the glazed-eye effect could have been due to his deliberately un-focusing his eyes, but I was pretty sure he had told the truth about that because at the time he'd had no reason to lie, especially as he would have assumed that I was pretending ignorance, and in reality knew the facts as well as he did himself. He would have been a fool to lie.

"What is your name?"

"Severus Snape"

"Are you human?"

"Not entirely Master, I am a Hybro, a human/house-elf hybrid."

"No vampire in there anywhere?" (I could not resist it.)

"Not to my knowledge Master."

"What is my name and title?"

He looked confused and started to stutter, so I changed the question.

"Don't answer that, answer this instead; Do I have more than one name and title?"

"Yes Sire, many more."

"Tell me just a few of them."

"The-Glorious-Fifth-Incarnation-of-the-Blended-One, King of the Four Lands, Mage Dominus, Dark Lord of ..."

I interrupted him. "Okay that's enough titles, and far more than enough hyphens. What about my name?"

"Forgive me Master, it cannot be spoken by such as I, but I have heard some of your subjects address you as 'My Lord' followed by a familiar name."

"Well, what about 'Voldemort', is that one of my names?"

"Not exactly Master, not completely, although it is part of your unique and wonderful inheritance, the so-called 'red' part of your nature."

"What does the 'red part of your nature' mean?"

"The red part, more correctly called 'red phase', is when the ancient Dark Lord Voldemort is in ascendance, while the green phase is when the 'Chosen One,' the legendary Harry Potter, is in ascendancy."

I was beginning to get a handle on who I was…unfortunately.

"So, I'm some sort of combination of Voldemort and Potter, who were both ancestors of mine, and while I'm not exactly immortal, I keep being re-incarnated into new bodies. Is that it?"

Snape hesitated, reluctant to contradict me. "Yes, in a sense that is so Master, however they were not really your ancestors, they, you, were both blended together. It was a result of the final battle between you, and since then you have been one person of a dual nature, who is, as you said, endlessly re-incarnated."

"Err, that is why I am so powerful? I have both Voldie's power plus my own, err, Potter's I mean."

"I think that may be so Master. Your power is unequalled in history Sire."

Well, that was nice I supposed. "And I go through these phases of favouring either my Potter or my Voldie side?" 'That is not so nice,' I thought.

"Yes Master."

"Is it easy to tell what phase I'm in? Do you tell by how I behave? Do I have any choice about which phase is the current one?"

"Yes My Lord. To answer your questions in order; it is easy to discern your current phase as your eye colour changes; The Dark Lord has wonderful red eyes and The Chosen One has vibrant green eyes, which has resulted in the terms 'red phase' or 'green phase'. You once told me that the change from one to the other is involuntary. Every morning my first duty is to observe the colour of your eyes and report it to your court."

I realised that I was taking too long, that the Veritaserum might wear off in a few minutes, so I rushed to ask the questions I should have asked first of all.

"Is it true that if I order you to tell me the absolute truth then you have no option but to do so? That the slave-bond then makes it impossible for you to lie to me?"

"Almost impossible, Master; in a life or death situation or to save you from intense pain I could lie, but it would cause me to suffer pain when I did so. Unless my continued existence were essential to your survival or your welfare, I might even die, however as that would deprive you of your slave that is unlikely. In any case, I would suffer until either I confessed my lie to you, or honestly intended to do so once it was safe for you to know the truth, provided of course you then condescended to forgive and punish me."

"Bit of a bitch that spell then."

He looked bewildered for a moment. I'd meant that it was nasty for him but guessed he thought that I meant it would be a bitch for me.

Apparently I was right because he continued. "Master, it really is for your convenience; a master needs to be able to rely on anything and everything his slave tells him. Any hybrid's natural desire and need is to tell its owner the truth, the spell merely reinforces that natural urge."

"Do you like me or hate me or are you just indifferent?"

"I am devoted to you Master. How could I not be?"

Very easily not, I imagined, however I was sure that he did not mean that I was likeable or deserving of his devotion, but merely that the bonding spell ensured that he was devoted to me—however downright nasty I happened to be.

Well, that was probably a good enough preparation for the questions I intended to ask and what I had to tell him. All I'd really needed to know was that he would tell me the truth if ordered to do so. That he would wish to tell the truth in any case was a bonus.

"Please sit there for a while until the Veritaserum completely wears off; we will continue this later this morning. Would you like a drink of some kind, tea, coffee, pumpkin juice, butterbeer, or perhaps Firewiskey?"

His eyes widened, "Tea please, Master."

I called out "Elf!" A proper house-elf appeared. He looked reassuringly normal; huge flapping ears, tennis ball sized eyes, long nose and spindly arms and legs, just like Dobby or any of his friends. In typical house-elf fashion he bowed so low that his ears and nose touched the ground, then he straightened up and as I continued to stare and grin at him he started to look worried. "What is your name?" I asked him.

"Blotto, Great Master sir."

'Whoever gives house-elves their names has a lot to answer for,' I thought. "I'm very pleased to meet you Blotto," I said. I was too, he was another welcome bit of every-day normality in this strange world. "Please get my friend and me a pot of tea, Irish Breakfast if you have it, and some sandwiches ... no … no, make that a full English breakfast, I don't think either of us've had anything to eat yet today."

He looked taken aback, probably because of the 'please', and then, relieved to have been given an order, popped away. He re-appeared just a few seconds later with an over-laden tea trolley and started to place the dishes on a nearby table.

You have got to hand it to house-elves, their standard of service is second to none. "Thank you Blotto, that looks wonderful … no, no don't cry please. You'll have to get used to my saying 'please' and 'thank you,' they were soundly beaten into me by my loving aunt."

Both Blotto and Severus seemed alarmed and confused at that, so I waved a dismissal to Blotto, who had finished with the dishes, and told Severus that I'd explain after we had eaten. I sat at the table and started to eat the meal, and then, realising that Severus was still standing up, motioned for him to join me at the table, which he did, but just as gingerly as he had the night before, as if at any moment I might change my mind.

The meal was delicious, the bacon cooked exactly how I liked it and although I had not mentioned that I liked my eggs turned over or splashed to ensure no trace of runny white remained, that is how they'd been done, so who I had morphed into here must have shared my preferences.

Wizard robes, when worn traditionally, that is commando, are great after a heavy meal; no buttons to undo or belts to be let out. With no belts or tight clothes to remind them not to eat too much, it is not surprising that so many middle aged wizards and witches are overweight.

After taking a last gulp of butterbeer I pushed myself away from the table.

"Severus Snape. Just so there can be no question about it, I am now ordering you to tell me the truth, the absolute truth and nothing but the truth, and all the truth. You are not to slant the truth in any way or omit anything at all, any information, especially any information that might influence me to think something is true when it is not. If you don't know if something is a fact or not then you are to tell me that you do not know if it is true or not…I think that pretty much covers it. Oh, and don't worry if some of it makes me upset or angry, I promise I will not take it out on you. I need to know everything, however much I might not like it."

I paused for a moment then went on. "Today has been strange for me, even stranger than my days usually are. The thing is, all that stuff I asked you about myself was not to test your knowledge or to play some sort of game. I asked because I did not know. Everything here is new to me, or rather, most of it is new and some is familiar but still different… I don't quite know how to explain."

"Master, forgive me please, but you seem not quite yourself. Are you feeling unwell? You seem a little confused." Snape said.

Well, there had been a hint of sarcasm in that, but only a slight hint. Strangely, I almost missed the real Snape who would not have disguised his scorn or been able to resist saying something like 'I see you are as incoherent as ever Potter,' or 'I'm sure we are all agog to hear the latest enlightening news from the heights of Mount Olympus, Potter, so do try to vouchsafe your godlike wisdom to us in sentences that we lesser mortals can understand.' Of course real Snape would have said it in longer words than that too. This dream or alternate universe Snape would not permit himself to say anything of the sort, whatever his private thoughts, and actually he did seem honestly concerned, probably for my sanity. Having an insane master was obviously an occupational hazard for all Severus Snapes whatever universe they inhabited.

Then I realised that he was patiently waiting for me to respond.

"Err, sorry, professor, I was lost in thought there for a moment. Don't worry, I'm fine, not going nutters or anything, well not more than usual at least. I've had a very unusual day, or I'm having an unusual dream… or something… I'm starting to question my 'I'm having a dream' theory though. Before this I've only ever had a couple of dreams where I was aware I was dreaming and even then I was only aware for a moment or two, not for the whole dream."

Snape did not look any more convinced of my sanity than he had before so I hurried on. "I'm pretty sure now, well, sort of sure, that this is not a dream. That I'm in some parallel world, in another universe as they say in fantasy novels."

From the carefully neutral expression on his face I could see that I had just confirmed his suspicion that I was totally barking. For all I knew he had probably never even heard of, let alone ever read, any fantasy. I carried on regardless; Gryffindor courage and all that. Hm.

"Up until this morning, well if this is a dream then it was this morning, if it is not a dream then it was up until yesterday morning, my name was Harry Potter. I mean, I was Harry Potter with no Voldie about me, well apart from the horcrux of course, and that's been gone for ages now. It was the last half of the twentieth century; I was the Boy Who Lived to… I am, was… whatever… the Harry Potter who you tell me is half of the Dark Lord who is your master. In my world I killed Voldemort, and he was dead, completely dead and we did not merge at all. So, unless I am dreaming all this, then not only have I come to a parallel universe but somehow time jumped into the future as well … so it is not really parallel I suppose… and you and Hagrid being here in the future does not make sense either… so perhaps it is a dream after all.

I stood thinking for a while but as usual with my thinking, I did not get very far, not very far at all. "Err, well, unless I've got it all back to front and this is my original world and I have just emerged from a long dream or coma or something, where I was imagining I was Harry Potter… and the dream was so long that I have forgotten this world."

I wished Hermione was here with me, she would be able to work out what was going on, but my mind was just a jumbled mess. I remained in a bit of a daze for a moment, and then, pulling myself together, continued, "anyway, in any case, the thing is that I need to learn as much as possible about this place so I don't get into too much trouble."

Snape was looking at me. It was remarkable how much information this Snape could communicate without altering his facial expression in the slightest. It was something about the eyes I thought, at the moment they were in disdain mode. His mind would never be as disorganised as mine was.

Then he spoke, the tone of his voice carefully on neutral. "Master, I begin to understand. Naturally, since my entire life has been spent on this plane of existence, I believe this world to be the real one. That being so, then I am led to believe that you must have had a particularly vivid and detailed dream, a dream that you were back in the past as the great Harry Potter. As is often the way with dreams, people that you know or have heard of in your real life here, took various roles within that dream. For some reason not yet determined, you seem to have forgotten your real life, so you imagine your dream to be real, and not a dream at all. Whatever the truth, I think that you are worrying yourself unduly. Whichever of your hypotheses is true, at present your self-awareness is here, and here you are totally in control. Additionally, you are, by any measure, the most powerful wizard who has ever lived, and this world is yours, literally. There is, it is true, a small group of idiots who plot to overthrow your rule, but their numbers are few and the group contains almost as many of your spies as it does of genuine revolutionaries. It is hardly conceivable that you would or even could 'get into trouble.'"

"Huh! Trouble always finds me. Fate hates me."

My Lord, even if you do 'get into trouble', your power will save you. Also, you are judging the malignancy of Fate by the life you led in your dream. Here, in the real world, you are virtually synonymous with Fate herself. It is your word which determines the lives we lead."

I thought about that for a moment. I was not sure that that was much better. If true, it was also rather scary. If I was His Supreme Excellency, the Dictator and Ruler of All He Surveys, then I was definitely going to need Hermione as Adviser in Chief. However, Severus had meant to be reassuring.

"Thanks for the reassurance. Though wizards seem to produce madmen at a greater rate even than Muggles do, so I'm not sure that I'm completely convinced that everything is as hunky-dory as you think it is. Anyway, I'm hoping you can get me up to speed on whatever I need to know or do here. Stop me making too much of a fool of myself or making everyone think I've gone completely bonkers and fallen out of my tree, from a high branch at that. I'm grateful that you at least do not think that I've gone insane, or rather, thank you for pretending that you don't think so," I said.

"My Lord, you have not gone insane. If you cannot for the moment remember much about the world, it shall be my duty, my pleasure and my honour, to tell you about it, and how I believe you would have acted and reacted, to whatever is happening at the time were you not newly arrived. You of course may choose to act in whatever way you please. There is no requirement, literally there cannot be any requirement, that what you do or say now, has to be consistent with how you have spoken, behaved, done or decreed before. You have no need to fear making any mistakes, because whatever you do or say must necessarily be correct."

No wonder I had declared myself King. It was surprising that I'd not gone all out for the ultimate prize and declared myself a god.

"Thanks Severus," I said. "Leave me for a bit now… unless there's something I should be doing, people I should be meeting? No? Well fine then. I'll call you soon."

At the moment I felt as if I was trying to think through a large pad of cotton wool, I needed time to think about it all for a while. Assuming that this was a new real world and I was as powerful and as much in control as Snape believed me to be, I had a suspicion that despite my previous desire for a quiet life, it was only going to be enjoyable for a few weeks while I learned about it and played All-Powerful-Mage and Absolute-Ruler-of-all-He-Surveyed, but after that, if Snape had been right about this world, it might start to be a bit boring. Still, I was pretty sure that Fate had not suddenly decided to stop playing with me, and who knows, perhaps the revolutionaries were not quite as inept as Snape thought. At least this me did have some enemies and this realm no doubt had problems I could solve, wrongs I could right and all that. It could not be even a pale version of Utopia if it had slaves in it and had had Voldie as part-time ruler. I could do a Hermione and free the slaves of various sorts for a start, or if they like house-elves did not relish freedom, then at least I could better their conditions. I must find out if Hermione is here somewhere I thought. Heck, she might even be a slave herself. I must definitely find out if she is here.

Before Snape had mentioned Hagrid it had not occurred to me that other people I knew, or at least this world's versions of them, might be here. Actually if Snape was right, and I had been dreaming that I was Harry Potter and had peopled that dream with people I knew from this world, then it was almost certain that she would be here somewhere. Not only Hermione but others too, perhaps too, people who had died in my world, Dobby, Lupin, Tonks and Dumbledore, even Sirius and Hedwig—Merlin! That meant Bellatrix, the Malfoys, Notts and Crabbes were probably here as well! So much for being the Master of Fate… still, as I was apparently half Voldemort, they would be busy throwing themselves on the floor and kissing the hem of my robes, so I probably did not have to worry overly much about them… so long as they continued to think I was far more powerful than they were themselves.

Then my gut twisted. How would my friends regard a Voldie/BWL hybrid? While not giving any reason for Malfoy and his ilk to suspect that I had changed, I would need simultaneously to prove to my friends that the Voldie part had disappeared. Well, almost disappeared, the idea of playing Dark-ish Lord for a while was strangely, disturbingly, attractive.

After pacing to and fro, and thinking for a while without getting anywhere, I called Blotto and asked him to bring me a pot of tea and a couple of slices of treacle tart with lashings of clotted cream. Then I thought I'd summon my faithful minion again, but was not sure how to do that so I called Blotto again. "Hey Blotto, come back again please."

"Yes Master Dark Lord Sir?"

"Please tell Snape I want him."

"At once Master." He popped away and less than a second later there was a slight noise and I turned to find Snape standing beside me.

"That was quick! Where were you? Were you there all the time?"

"I was in my room Master, in the servants' quarters."

"Then how… you were as fast as a house-elf."

"Indeed Master, the house-elf part of my breeding allows me to pop to you."

"So, to summon you, all I need to do to is call your name?" I asked.

"That is correct Master." He bowed. The fact that I continued to need him to inform me about everything seemed to have sunk in to the degree that he no longer looked puzzled by my ignorance.

I was starting to feel right at home with Snape. Even though the real Snape was far from my favourite person, this Snape represented home to me, a sort of lifeline to normalcy. "Come, join me in a cup of tea and a slice of treacle tart," I said. "Unless you think I should be having morning tea with some of my people, my inner circle or whatever they are? No? Good. Right then, sit down."

"Severus, you and Hagrid are in my original world as well, which makes me think that other people I know might be here too. Well, of course, you pointed out that if what I think of as my world was only a dream, then it is very likely that some of the people in it are people I knew here. Anyway, as Harry Potter I had a couple of close friends, Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley; do they exist here?"

He looked thoughtful for a moment and then said slowly, "They may do so Master. There is a Percival Weasley on your palace staff and I believe that he has several brothers, however I understand that he is estranged from the rest of his family as they are all members of the Maquis."

"The Maquis? What's that?"

"The so-called Resistance, the revolutionaries I mentioned earlier Master. An inept terrorist organisation comprised entirely of worthless fools who are dedicated to the over-throw of your benevolent rule. They pretend to believe in a ridiculous and impractical idea they call 'democracy,' which would have all your free subjects able to vote—to elect representatives to a parliament to govern our affairs. The idea is ludicrous; how that could work when no two wizards can agree on anything for more than a few days at a time is beyond the ken of all reasoning beings. As our history has proved, a supremely powerful and wonderfully benevolent eternal Lord such as yourself Master, is the only feasible government for the Wizarding World."

"You don't think democracy would work for us even if I wasn't here?"

"Of course not Master. Did you not exist, and even if somehow this democracy was established, it would not last. Inevitably there would arise a wizard whose power eclipsed that of all others, and of course he would soon become the real ruler."

"The world I come from is not really democratic as the Wizengamot members are not elected, however at least there is more than just one person making the rules."

"Yes My Lord. I understand that was the case at the time of your original two incarnations, or so we are taught. However, in your wisdom, you decided to dissolve it. A wise decision as of course the Great Mage is the only exception to the rule 'the more magic power the less common-sense,' therefore it is obvious to us all that the gods intend you to rule."

Hmm, so, everyone with magic lacks rational thought and all these wizards, these same wizards, lack common sense, think that I should be their Supreme Tyrant. Not much of an endorsement. However I did not comment. We had got completely off track.

"Well, let's leave the topic of how wonderful I am, and my divine right to rule for a moment. What about Hermione Granger?"

Snape looked thoughtful for a second or two, then replied, "I have not heard that name before Master. May I have your gracious permission to instruct the Aurors to look for her?"

"Err, not just now, there are other people I want to ask you about. Is there an Albus Dumbledore here? If there is then he is probably the leader of the Maquis and my sworn enemy."

Severus looked slightly shocked. "Lord Dumbledore has the honour of being one of your favoured vassals Master. I have heard no rumours of his being anything but faithful and obedient. Should I have him summoned and questioned under Veritaserum or on the rack My Lord?"

So, I was Dumble's liege lord and master. That could be amusing; I could forbid him to eat sweets, not to wear socks and to wear only brown robes. That would test his 'obedience' and would most likely send him right around the bend, or rather, further around the bend and straight to the Maquis as well… but it was strange that he was not already one of the revolutionaries; what has happened to his Order of the Red Chicken and 'greater good' principles I wondered. I could not imagine him taking orders from a twenty four year old either… but of course, he would think that I was far older than he was himself.

Then I belatedly thought of my other friends. "Is there a house-elf called Dobby here? And do I have an owl named Hedwig?…Oh, that's stupid of me; I'll call them, "and if they are here they will come no doubt."

"Dobby!" I yelled. For several seconds nothing happened and I thought myself all sorts of a fool for thinking that he might exist here. Then he arrived, quite dramatically, as he fell at my feet.

"Oh Dobby!" I was overwhelmed by emotion, by how delighted and relieved I was to see him. "You're alive!" I picked him up and hugged him. Then feeling him stiffen, and hearing a muffled "Maassteer" hastily loosened my arms and put him back down. "Sorry Dobby, sorry, I didn't mean to squeeze you so hard." As I carefully stood him back on the floor he glanced up at me, fearfully, and started to bow. Then his huge eyes widened even further and an expression of pure joy came over his face.

"Master Harry Potter Sir! You is here!" He staggered towards me and threw his arms around my legs. Snape seemed flabbergasted, horrified at Dobby's lack of respect, and started to reach towards him as if to pull him away from my legs, but I waved him back.

"Master Harry Potter Sir is here! Dobby always know Master Harry Sir be greatest wizard in whole world!" He was crying; huge tears were dripping down his cheeks and nose. I must admit I was rather watery eyed myself.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

2 days later

As strange and ridiculous as this place was, I thought that my being here, if it was a dream, was a strange one, totally unlike in content and length from any dream I'd ever dreamed before. For a start, maybe in other people's dreams day followed night and each day seemed twenty four hours long, but none of my previous dreams had ever been like that. The progression of days and nights, while new to me in a dream, were one of the few things that seemed normal or logical about this world.

After Dobby had arrived a couple of days ago, and after a session of hugs and grins between us that had made Snape very uncomfortable, I'd started to ask Dobby about how long he had been here. At first I thought that he knew me from my real life but a few more questions and talk with him revealed that it was a bit more complicated than that. He remembered me not only from the real world but also, when he got here, he had merged with a Dobby who had always lived here. He had that Dobby's memories too, and so remembered a previous period when Harry had been mostly in control of Harry/Voldemort. He seemed as almost as confused as I was, but his experience was different from mine in that I could not remember anything about the history of the being I'd taken over.

In his 'real' Dobby memories he remembered witnessing his own little funeral when I buried his body at Shell cottage, and then, at some uncertain time later, had found himself here in la-la land, working in the kitchens as a pastry cook, and where, according to his own vague memories and also according to the other house-elves, he had worked for years, ever since he had been a very young elfling.

"We shall just have to make the best of it and see what we can do here. You can be my personal aide and friend, if you want to that is …"

"Dobby want, yes! Dobby honoured to be Great Harry Potter Sir's elf! Dobby be bestest personal aide elf... Dobby will be looking after Master Harry Potter Sir!" He was alternating between hugging my legs and doing a funny little jigging dance around me. Just watching him exhausted me and Snape was eyeing him with thinly disguised disgust.

"Settle down Dobby" I said. "Be still. I'm very happy to meet you again, but at the moment I'm feeling a bit tired."

At which he stopped jigging about, sniffed, snorted loudly, then announced, "The Great Harry Potter Sir not know this bad place. Dobby helps Harry Potter Sir fix, yes Dobby will!"

I knew it!l Snape seemed to think it was a great place to live despite Voldie ruling it and his being a slave—as was everyone else in all but name—but that couldn't be right; for one thing, I owned an elf breeding stud farm, so almost by definition I must be evil... or used to be evil when I was mostly Voldemort… or something.

Yes, that should be the first thing I'd have to do something about. If Hermione was here in this ridiculously unreal 'reality', she'd be less likely to despise me if I'd already got all that stopped ASAP. As I was Head Pooh-Bah-come-El-Supremo, it shouldn't be too difficult to do a 'saving elves thing', no, they were people too, so it was still my 'saving people thing' as she used to call it.

Granted, since coming here, my never very clever brain seemed to be working at only half its normal strength, in fact most of the time it felt as if I was trying to think through a thick padding of cotton wool, which was a worry, but even so, being super-powerful and having the 'my word is law' power, plus Dobby's help, would make the thing 'a piece of cake', yeah, right, obviously.

While thinking about making a start on that project I'd been eating the breakfast that Dobby had arrived with a few minutes earlier.

Snape was eating with me. He seemed more at ease now, far less nervous about sitting at the table and eating with me than he had been. I had asked Dobby to join us too, but he said that he'd eaten 'hours ago, first thing'. As a quick Tempus told me it was 6am, I had to wonder when 'first thing' had been, probably about 3 or 4 am. Perhaps elves did not need much sleep.

"We're visiting the elf farm today,"I informed Severus. "It will be a surprise visit – so no telling anyone about it, that's an order by the way. There is only one elf farm isn't there? Please tell me there is only one."

Snape hastily swallowed a mouthful of toast. "Yes My Lord, there is only one. They will be delighted and overwhelmed by your lordship's unequalled condescension in visiting them.

I have instructed the Hydrex to run your bath and await your pleasure. Shall I lay out your…" He broke off as Dobby re-appeared, rushed over to the walk-in wardrobe, grabbed a green cloak and dragonhide boots and laid them on the bed...

"You little …" He glanced at me and broke off again, but the tension in his lips revealed his fury at Dobby's encroaching on what he considered to be his territory. Apparently dressing me was Snape's bailiwick.

He continued, addressing Dobby, "It is my duty and my pleasure to be the Master's valet. You, elf, will confine yourself to the kitchen." Apparently he'd forgotten I'd told Dobby that he could be my friend and aide.

Despite my natural bias in favour of Dobby, I had to admit that the long orange sock on one foot, the shorter knee-high stocking on the other, and the purple, yellow and red hats he was wearing, probably meant that he had no more colour or clothes sense than he'd had in the past, and did not give me any confidence in having him as my valet. The robes and boots he had selected for me looked fine however - and if Snape chose my clothes I would no doubt soon have an all-black wardrobe.

Restrained by my presence, neither Snape nor Dobby said any more, however they were exchanging glares which promised slow and messy mutual deaths as soon as either I or they left the room.

"I can chose my own clothes" I said. They both turned to glare at me. (Well, a betrayed look from Dobby and a hint of disapproval from Snape.)

I caved. "Okay, Severus can suggest, just suggest mind you, what I'm to wear every day this month, and next month you can do it Dobby."

Dobby's eyes started to water so I added. "If you wish, you may come with us today when we visit the elf stud farm." At which he exclaimed "Dobby will gets more hats!" and popped out of the room.

I wondered where he was getting his clothes from, as real-world Dobby's hats had been knitted by Hermione and his socks had been Christmas presents from me and others. I shook my head to clear it of the distraction. I had more important things to think about than how and where Dobby got his clothes.

As it turned out, we didn't get around to visiting the elf farm that day. Just as we were about to depart I felt a searing pain at the site of my old scar. "Oh gods no!" I started to stagger and would have collapsed onto the floor had Snape not caught and carried me to an armchair. He was extremely concerned and fussed around me so much it was as if his mind had been taken over by Molly Weasley or Poppy.

He held a potions phial near my hand. "Please drink this Master, it will help with the pain. Take just a small sip." I grabbed it eagerly and gulped a couple of mouthfuls of it, much to his alarm.

"That's great stuff!" I exclaimed, as within a few seconds the pain almost vanished.

Despite the sudden cessation of pain I was feeling shaky… and worried too; I was scared it meant that the Tom Riddle part of me was trying to be in control. "Do I get like pains like that when Voldie tries to take over?" I asked him.

"No Master, I believe not. That has always happened while you were asleep—from what we have been able to observe, during untroubled sleep."

Well, I supposed that was good news; at least I wouldn't know much about it beforehand if he took charge again.

"I am not sure I'm up to tackling the house-elf farm problem at the moment, I think I'll do that tomorrow instead," I said, "but I do need to get out of here for a while, I need fresh air. I'll take a walk around the grounds. There is a garden here?"

...

That evening I told both Snape and Dobby that I wished to be alone for a while, and asked Dobby to bring me a couple of bottles of butterbeer and a sandwich; avocado and lettuce if possible, and to toast the bread.

When Dobby popped back with the butterbeer and sandwich I waved him away rather abruptly, and then sat down to eat and think about what had happened that day, and what it meant. Half an hour later I'd reluctantly concluded that the 'alternate reality' theory and the I'm dreaming one were both wrong, and that the most likely explanation was that I'd gone crazy and in reality was lying in a bed next to Neville's mum and dad in the loony ward, err, sorry, in the Janus Thickey ward for long term spell damage, at St Mungo's.

I supposed that there was still a remote possibility that I was having a regular dream, but if I was, then I thought that I would have woken up by now. If it was not a normal but extended and strange dream, that left three possibilities: I was crazy and this world was all in my head. I was dreaming but it was because I was lying in a coma somewhere, or, Snape's earlier suggestion that this was the real world and I'd been in a coma and had imagined and created the other world.

But I didn't think Snape's theory could be right because if I had dreamt up the other world, then I had imagined a world that despite being ridiculous and illogical in many ways, nevertheless was extremely detailed and had more internal consistency than this world had. I didn't think I was clever enough to have done that. Also, I'd not thought of it before that instant, but Dobby, like me, remembered being in my real world before he came here, so surely that meant that this world was either a dream or an alternate universe to which we we had both travelled - and I had not just dreamed up my old world. Aggh! I gave up thinking about it for a while; it was getting me no-where and anyway, whether I was really here now or merely dreaming that I was, did not make a great deal of difference as, either way, I seemed to be stuck here, so I might as well just take each day as it came.

As Snape had said in response to my query about the existence of a garden, there were several; the grounds extended for about three or four square miles and most of it was garden. It was the people we had come across when I'd decided to explore the palace gardens who had been rather a shock. After wandering through an exquisite Japanese garden and then a very large walled garden that Snape called 'The Blue Garden,' I felt rather well. The quiet and beauty of them both had relaxed me, and I no longer felt as shaky as I had after my head had exploded in pain just as it used to do when I still had a horcrux in my forehead.

As we left the walled garden, and in order to get to the entry to the next garden, we had to walk across the corner of a expansive paved area. It was about the size of a couple of football grounds, and was all paved in what looked like marble. Across on the other side of it, or perhaps beyond the other side, were some large buildings that looked rather like hangars. I asked Snape what they were. "Those buildings over there, they are not aircraft hangars are they?" I thought it very odd that what looked like muggle buildings would be not only so close to us, but also either actually on the palace grounds or very close to them.

Snape looked bewildered for a moment. I realised that I'd asked a stupid question; of course he had no idea what aircraft were, let alone what muggle aircraft hangars were.

"Forgive me Master, I am unfamiliar with the term 'hangar' although 'aircraft' would be an excellent term…"

I interrupted him. "Forget it. Just tell me what those buildings are and what they're for. They are on the palace grounds aren't they?"

"Yes indeed Master. The largest buildings are dragon stables and the smaller buildings are for your household Dragoon regiment, their servants and other workers."

"Dragon stables? Like horse stables but for dragons, and the Dragoons, the dragon cavalry?"

"Yes Master."

"They actually ride the dragons? Surely not?" I was surprised; the dragons I knew were not trainable at all, or so I'd been told.

This was definitely a very different world if dragons could be ridden. 'Dragoon' cavalry who rode dragons instead of horses amused me. "Most apposite." I said. 'Apposite' had been my 'word of the day' about five weeks ago so I was chuffed that I'd managed to remember it, but not certain that I'd correctly remembered what it meant. Not that it mattered all that much; in this reality I had Humpty Dumpty's power of mastery over words, of making them mean whatever I wanted them to mean.

I turned and started to walk towards the buildings and Snape, longer legs and all, had to run a few steps to keep up with me.

I was eager to see the dragons and their riders but was not getting there fast enough. They were much further away than I'd thought. "Dobby, get me a broomstick. Oh, and one for Snape too. Decent ones, Firebolts if there are any, or something similar."

Within moments Dobby had popped away and returned, carrying two racing brooms and one smaller one. "Oh, thanks. And you got one for yourself too? Sorry, I thought you'd do your popping thing, or I'd have asked you to get one for yourself too."

We took flight. As we neared the buildings I found myself getting more and more excited at the notion of dragons that were trainable enough to be ridden; that was something that I was pretty sure was impossible in my old world.

As we landed I asked, "Do you think they'd let me fly on one?" Receiving no immediate answer I looked around at Snape and Dobby; both of them had a 'duh!' expression on their faces. Before they could say anything I added. "Oh yeah. I forgot for a moment that I'm El Supremo around here. Dragon flight coming up."

The dragon riders must have noticed our approach, as a group of what looked to be about twenty people emerged from one of the smaller buildings and started towards us.

In the lead was a moustache, a large, wide, curl-ended, red moustache, which decorated the face of a middle aged wizard. He was clad in a skin-tight black dragonhide suit. He was slightly too stout for the uniform, but I did not notice that until we got closer, my gaze was riveted on his moustache. Then I noticed, it was hard not to, that all the males in the group wore moustaches, many of them large but none as impressive as that of their leader. They reminded me of a photo I'd once seen of muggle soldiers of a generation or four ago, when moustaches had been compulsory in the muggle British army. They all wore leather body suits, but they varied widely in cut and colour.

They had drawn their wands as we flew towards them, but as we landed and they could see who their visitors were, they hastily replaced their wands in their arm holsters and sprang to attention. At least this lot did not fall on the floor when they recognised me which was a relief; a regiment that prostrated itself every time it saw its leader would be at rather a disadvantage.

On landing Snape had somehow managed to entangle his broom in his robes. So much for his dignity; I couldn't help but stare while he attempted to free himself. Most of the time he was so like my Snape that every time he behaved out of character it really startled me. Still stuck, he hopped to my side, leaned towards me, and whispered, "Major Bloodnok".

The major dipped his head. "Your Excellency!" he bellowed, causing his moustache to flare out as if taking wing. I jumped back to avoid the spittle.

"Major Bloodnok. I suggest you lower your volume. Spit in my direction again and you'll be demoted to stable boy and shovelling dragon shit for the foreseeable future."

Ignoring his spluttered apologies I continued, "this is an inspection. I will see everything and meet everyone. You there," I pointed to one of the three witches (yes, the prettiest one) in the group. "You will show me around. We'll start with the…" I stopped because Bloodnok was saying something to me about her not being a suitable person, that he would be honoured to show me around the site himself. I was so astounded that he had dared to interrupt me, let alone say that I had chosen the wrong person, that I hardly heard the rest of what he said. Judging from his attitude, the Voldemort half of me had either not been so addicted to using Cruciatus as a punishment as my Voldie had been, or, more likely, Bloodnok had never been in his presence before.

I turned and glared, one of several first class glares I'd copied from real Snape, and was tempted to curse him; 'Crucio' on the tip of my tongue. (Later I would worry about that, but at the time it seemed natural and entirely justified to want to hurt him.) He paled, stepped back and kneeled. The urge to Crucio him lessened, but then I realised that I needed to do something at least, something to maintain my authority and role. 'Petrificus Totalis' I thought. He became rigid, except for his eyes, they were rolling.

"Leave him there," I ordered. "Who is next in charge here?" A sandy haired titan stepped forward. He was about a foot taller than I was, even with the enhancements I'd given myself that first evening when I was bathed by the Hybrex.

"That would be me, My Lord, Captain Eccles, sir."

'What?!' I'd thought the 'Bloodnok' funny enough, but I managed to say "Good to meet you captain," as I stared into his eyes, trying to find out if he was having me on.

Apparently I was no Legilimens as I couldn't enter his thoughts. That was a surprise, an unwelcome surprise. So far in this world I'd been able to do everything I'd attempted, and real Voldemort had been an expert Legilimens, so it was strange that I was not. Perhaps I could only do that when I was more Voldie than The Boy Who etc.

"No doubt you have a Bluebottle here as well?" I grinned.

"Yes My Lord," he said, and nodded towards the small, blonde, leather-clad witch I'd chosen as my guide. "May I present Lieutenant Bluebottle, My Lord."

That did not amuse me; it shocked me. I thought of sending Snape or Dobby back to the palace for Veritaserum. This either had to be a set-up or it was rather solid evidence for the 'I'm dreaming' theory.

I pulled my thoughts together and put thinking about these Dra-Goons aside for the moment. 'If necessary I can torture the truth out of them later,' I thought, and then amended that thought to 'use Veritaserum, not torture, use Veritaserum'.

Captain Eccles eyes widened. I looked around, they all looked fearful, so I forced myself to smile, which made them all flinch. "Thank you captain, you and your men stand at ease and remain here. I'll send my small friend if I require you," I ordered.

I addressed the delectable small blonde lieutenant. "Come," I said, and followed by Snape, Dobby and Lieutenant Bluebottle who had not yet dared to say anything, I walked towards the nearest and largest building. I turned slightly towards Snape and Dobby and signalled that they were to fall back slightly, then beckoned Lieutenant Bluebottle to come forward and walk beside me. She came forward a bit but was still a pace or two back.

"No, right here beside me Lieutenant. I can't talk to you back there." At which she came alongside, still not venturing to say anything.

Her head was tilted forward so that her thick, just above shoulder length dark blonde hair, hung as a curtain, concealing all but her nose. That was slightly annoying, however it did mean I could get a good look at the rest of her without her being too aware of it. She was worth looking at; medium height, a little on the thin side perhaps, but with medium sized breasts that saved her from looking androgynous in the leather body suit.

As we neared the door I could hear a rumbling noise. It sounded like a crowd of people all talking at once, while in the background there was orchestral music with the base turned up too much. I did not ask my companion what the rumbling was; I'd find out soon enough.

I had intended, self-consciously virtuously, to start the inspection by looking at what the quarters for the lowest of the employees was like—I hadn't done that in the palace yet I'd reminded myself—then do the same for the flying corps, and then going on to the kitchens and food and saving the best part, the dragons and their mews, for last. However the first building we entered was where the dragons were housed. Seeing and hearing them put all thought of everything else out of my mind. The 'rumbling' was coming from them.

The 'room' we had entered was huge, absolutely enormous, the ceiling must have been a good hundred metres above us and the far wall, well there was no far wall, the whole back of the area was open to the air. There were no pens or divisions, nor were the dragons tethered. There were dozens or so large six foot high platforms of smooth rock, on nearly all of which lay dragons, dragons of many different breeds and sizes. I couldn't see any that looked like the breeds I knew.

"I shall need you to identify their breeds for me Bluebottle," I said.

Before she could reply, a dragon's head, the size of an old yank petrol guzzler car, appeared before me. "She doesn't know."

"It's no use asking her. She doesn't know. She'll tell you I'm a Greater Snow White. I ask you, do I look like a little muggle fairy tale heroine? What nonsense!"

"Well... to be fair, you do a bit," I said slowly, looking at the head of a dragon, the head the size of two whole wildebeests, that had appeared in front of me. " I can see how they made the mistake; Snow White was beautiful, had white skin, black hair and red lips, and your scales are a wonderful silvery white except on your crest which is shimmering black, and around your mouth where the scales shade to red. So, yes I can understand their thinking to some extent, however, it should have been Greatest, not Greater, that is obvious; I can't understand what they were thinking there." I did understand one thing already, the dragon was vain and all powerful Dark Lord or not, I would be a fool to offend it.

"You do seem to have a few more grey cells than most wizards I must say. At least you've bothered to learn our language. We might be able to make a half-way decent dragon rider of you, in a decade or two, given intensive training."

"Thank you. I think."

"You look very similar to another True Language speaker we had here a couple of centuries ago, but the eyes are different. He was a big disappointment. Couldn't take the training, and wimped out after the first few lessons. You are not he I trust? We'll have to kill you if you are of course. Can't have semi-trained riders wandering d'ye see."

"Me? Wasn't me, someone who looked like me but with red eyes, nah, no sir! He was some sort of fifth cousin of mine I think: definitely not me."

"Pleased to hear it. We shall start your training tomorrow. It's about time we had a dragon rider around here."

"What? But what about the Dragon Rider regiment?"

"Our servants? Don't make me laugh. Not. A rider amongst the lot of 'em. Hasn't been for years, over six centuries. Huh! They pretend they are riders, but has anyone ever seen one of 'em actually riding a dragon? Course not! Clambering over our backs to clean our scales is the closest they ever come to it, and even that scares the fertiliser out of 'em. To a man they'd vomit up their puny guts or faint if we took to the air with 'em on our backs."

Well that was a more than a small disappointment. My regiment of dragon riders was actually a regiment of dragon nurses, cleaners and shit-shifters. I suppose I should not be too surprised, not when it contained a Bloodnok, an Eccles and a Bluebottle, that had to have been a CLUE that they were a joke.

I was not too keen to ride a dragon after all. A few decades of training? And apparently I'd already dropped out of basic training once before. I made an excuse.

"Great Dragon," I said. (He had not told me his real name yet, but I thought 'Great Dragon' respectful enough to keep on his good side.) "I am immeasurably grateful for your offer to train me, it is a great honour indeed, however I must postpone the commencement of it for a decade or two, if you will allow that. I am but newly arrived here and my first task is to get the country in order."

"Hmm. Pity. You looked so promising too. I am not impressed. We may need to incinerate you. We are not impressed are we?" He added, turning to the other dragons, who as one, chorused "NOT IMPRESSED. WE MAY INCINERATE YOU," and dragon-glared at me. Let me tell you, a glare from a dragon, even one dragon, puts even the best Snape-glare into the 'Fail!' basket. The glare from dozens of the beasts loosens one's bowels. Not mine of course; that I happened to use a quick wandless cleaning charm at that moment was a coincidence.

"Well! I must get going. Have to see a man about a dog. Go for a walk and stuff. Housework, vacuuming and things. Lots of things to be done." I was vaguely aware that I was babbling.

There was a rumbling thunder coming from dozens of throats. I quailed... Then I realised it was laughter. I stood up straighter and tried to look as if I had deliberately made a joke.

"The lad's a comedian. Good one boy. If you really want to go for a walk I suggest the Forbidden Forest back of here. Lots to see and do." They all laughed again. "Though be careful where you step as there are plot holes in that forest so large we use them to trap erumpents; they are not so deliciously tasty a morsel as a young human, but satisfyingly chewy."

Again the laughter rumbled and echoed around the hangar, unnerving me... That is, it would have unnerved me, had I not been a Gryfindor and an old hand at the dragon-confronting business, Boy-Who-Won-the-Triwizard-Tornament, me… Okay, they'd said I cheated in the first task, but it wasn't my fault that the Horntail had taken a shine to me: something about being a sucker for green eyes she'd said and had simpered and pushed the golden egg towards me so that all I'd had to do was pick it up and walk back out of the arena.

It was nearly lunch time so I had to return to the Parthenon. (Lunch time being at whatever hour of the clock I wanted it to be of course, which today happened to be right about now.)

Lieutenant Bluebottle had stepped back when I'd started to talk to the dragon. I said goodbye to the dragons and turned towards her and to Snape and Dobby who were also behind me. Snape still had the end of his broom entangled in his robe. What was the man thinking? Wasn't he a wizard? Then I saw why: every time Severus pulled his broom from the hem of his robe, Dobby flicked a finger towards it and the robe curled itself around the broom again.

"Dobby! Stop that at once. Snape, Dobby, we are returning home. I'm feeling peckish.," And I led them back the way we had come.

"Lieutenant Bluebottle, thank you for your company. We shall continue this visit another time. By the way, you and the rest of the regiment shouldn't call that dragon I was talking to 'Snow White,' he doesn't q like it and it is not his name."

"What is his name Lord?"

For some reason I had not asked, nor had he volunteered it. "It would be unpronounceable for anyone not a parselmouth. I suggest you just call him something respectful, Great Dragon would do, they all understand English perfectly well so be careful what you say around them...Fetch that idiot major for me, I have some instructions for the regiment." We shall see how they cope with an order for a fly-past the Parthenon to display their aerial skills on dragon back.

"Your will my Lord," she said, looking frightened, and ran towards the members of the regiment who were still standing around the rigid form of Major Bloodnok.

AN I'm not certain if I'll continue this fic as it has generated very little interest.


End file.
